pumpernickel gets me every time.

pumpernickel bread gets me every time. i go grocery shopping, i get my usual items... baby carrots, spinach, golden delicious apples, bananas, plantains, 1lb turkey, 1lb provolone, wheat thins, trail mix bars, muenster or monterey jack cheese, strawberry banana yogurt, eggs, Tropicana Grovestand Lots of Pulp + Calcium orange juice, 12 grain bread, and last but not least, a half-dozen bagels.

and i pretty much always get wheat bagels. depending where i am, i may go for a honey wheat, a chocolate chip, or rarely, but sometimes, a blueberry. however, there's always a part of me that looks at the pumpernickel bagels, their dark complexion standing out among the bland color spectrum of bagel skin, and thinks... "those look good. and the darker the bread, the better it is for you. hhmmm..." but never had i acted upon my urging, always reminding myself... "you don't like pumpernickel bread. in fact, you hate it. don't get it." until last night, 8:12PM at Stop & Shop. "i'll just get one."

and i thought, "it can't be that bad. what about that pumpernickel raisin bread i had at that restaurant that time... with those people... in that town... that was good, wasn't it? toasted with cream cheese, i bet this bagel will be terriffic."

and so, with great excitement, i woke this morning and went down to the kitchen, found my deep brown dose of carbohydrates and sliced it in half. some crumbs spilled out of its soft center onto the counter and i thought i'd just give it a taste...

"FUCK! i still fucking hate fucking pumpernickel! god damn it!" and like a dog with its tail between its legs, i returned to my faithful wheat bagels, praying that i have learned my lesson, once and for all.

p.s. - what the fuck is pumpernickel anyway? just read the third paragraph.